Forgive and forgo

On July 8th, Oprah posted a podcast about her interview with author, Terry McMillan. The episode was about forgiveness. Oprah said that forgiveness is not about pretending something didn't happen, but letting go of the hope that something would have turned out differently. This same episode happened when my friend and law partner, Alan Freed, sent out an email about the difference between forego and forgo. I don't think this was a coincidence.

Alan explained that "forgo" means to do without where "forego" means something comes before something else. It struck me that that same lesson applies to forgiveness. Because in order to release yourself from your anger, in order to allow yourself to live in the present, in order to allow your soul to thrive and your voice to be raised and your feelings to soar, you have to allow yourself freedom. But you cannot be free if you are holding on to the past. You cannot be free if you are tethered to someone who wronged you. You cannot be free until you release the emotions that tie you down to the ballast of someone else's actions. You cannot be free until you forgive.

When we forgive we are unchaining ourselves from what holds us back. We are "doing without" the pain and the sadness and the depression that comes from hanging on to what we think should have been but wasn't. Forgiving means that we do without the baggage we carry around trying to define our story, and allowing ourselves and our lives to move forward with more gusto, with more belief, with more hope. Forgiving means helping ourselves without trying to punish others. 

Lesson learned. 

-a