Am I sending my kids to therapy?

On an almost daily basis I wonder if my actions are going to send my kids into therapy. Is their allowance too much or too little? Am I teaching them to be responsible or fearful? Will they learn to eat until they're full or eat until they are sick? Did I work too much or too little? And of course, the big doozy: are they ever going to understand that it was better for their dad and I to get divorced than stay unhappily married?

I struggle with whether I'm doing the right things by my children. I work hard to do the best I can but I wonder if it's enough. I try to tell them each day that I love them, that I like who they are and who they are becoming, but do they really understand? Do they understand that my decision to get out of a bad marriage was one of the hardest things I've ever done and yet one of the most necessary?

It's hard, being divorced. It's hard dealing not just with an ex-husband but an ex-family. You can get divorced but that doesn't mean these people are out of your life forever. That's usually both a good and bad thing. There are times I feel all alone at "family" events because my family is out of town. But I will continue to go. If my kids are there, I will be there. I will not seek anyone's approval or praise or pity. I will go with my head held high. I will go knowing I am doing it for myself as much as for my children- because to be there for them means they know that they can count on me. So I will go- for them as much as for me... and to hopefully alleviate the necessity for at least one therapy session.

After all, this is the life.

- a