Do over.

What is it that makes some days just better than others? Why is it that I can have such a light heart one day and have such a heavy feeling in my chest the next? Today is just one of those days where I couldn't seem to pick my feet up far enough off the ground, I couldn't seem to clear the fog from my head (could be the summer cold that conveniently settled in this morning), I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I wasn't doing enough, that I was 2 steps behind all day long. That feeling is still here. The feeling of heaviness, of sadness, of disbelief that this is my life right now, at the feeling that nothing seems to be going exactly how I thought it would.

Not being able to pull myself out of this bad mood is enough to make me even more sullen. I'm feeling acutely aware of things I must do for my job, for my clients, for my household, paying bills and making sure homework is done and making sure dinner is eaten and recitals are attended and laundry is finished and the air conditioner gets repaired. It just all seems like too much for one person to handle.

I'm having one of those days and all my positive thinking and all my wide-eyed optimism is failing me. It's just one of those days. Maybe it's the acceptance of that, the surrender to that, the deciding not to fight it that is the answer. Maybe it's the understanding that today was just one of those days, but tomorrow doesn't have to be. Maybe I can go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow morning and start over. Maybe I can call a "do over" for today.

That's what I will do. Tomorrow I am calling a "do over". So I apologize for my quick temper and I apologize for the negative self-talk that bombarded me all day and I apologize for not being inspiring and I apologize for being cranky and not present and not funny and not charming. I call a "do over" so that tomorrow I can start over again.... and see where it takes me. I call a "do over" to remind myself that no matter what happened today, it can all be fixed tomorrow. I call a "do over" because tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and if tomorrow is no better than today, I will call a "do over" the following day. Because life is a chance to do it all over again. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Call a "do over" and start again. Because you can.

This is the life.
- a