10 lbs

There is a theme running amongst my friends and I lately- it's the "I need to lose 10/20/30 lbs" song. And it occurred to me that all of that "I need to lose" talk inside our heads is just chatter. Just noise in our heads telling us we're not good enough now. That we'll be better or things will be better or it will get better once we lose that weight. And the truth is- that's just not true.

When I was getting divorced, I was 30 lbs lighter than I am right now. 30 lbs. It still seems unbelievable to me that it's true, but I have the pictures (and the jeans) to prove it. And when I meet my clients who are getting divorced, I tell them that, if nothing else, if they want to lose weight, they will do so going through a divorce. I call it the "divorce diet". Usually people lose 20-40 lbs when they are getting divorced. And then the weight, inevitably, comes back on when you are divorced, when your life is back on track, when you are happy.

Because here's the thing: losing weight is not the answer to happiness. You may feel better having lost the weight and it may be better for you and both of those are good reasons to try to lose weight, but getting thinner does not mean your life will change. Your life can change right now, no matter what weight you are. Because people who love you, love you, not you-light. When I look at my friends I think they are beautiful just the way they are. My friends are lovely not because of their size but because of their soul. In my eyes, my friends can conquer the world because they are capable and considerate and loving and embracing and accepting. My friends are delightful because of the light and energy they exude- thin or overweight or perfect-weight.

So next time we look in the mirror or step on the scale and that voice inside our head tells us we are too fat and not good enough, we need to put our hand up, and tell that voice, "Enough!. We need to realize we are not our bodies, we are not our exterior; instead, we are our compassion and our kindness and our moxie and our laughter and our tears and our strength. We are all enough. We are all deserving. We are all unique. We are all lovely. Just the way we are.

This is the life.