Fathers and daughters

It's funny how things turn out sometimes. I was reconnecting with an old friend and I mentioned to her that I never got along with my dad when I was younger. My parents had a very bitter divorce, he then married someone I was not fond of (to put it very mildly), and the relationship between us was bitter and icy for a long time. My dad eventually divorced my step-monster, married someone I like much better, and things began to warm between us. Then I started having problems in my own marriage.

For a long time, I didn't tell any of my friends I was having marital problems because I thought my husband and I would get through this rough patch we were having and I didn't want them to hate him. I didn't really have anyone to turn to, but then my dad called one day and I opened up to him. And as my marriage got worse, my relationship with my dad got better. He had been there (twice-before) so he was able to give me a hind-sight's view of divorce. He knew things would get better. He knew I would be ok. He knew my heart would heal and my tears would dry and the light at the end of the tunnel would grow closer and brighter with each passing day. He reminded me that hope was not lost, that my kids would be ok, and that life would turn out better, if different, than I had imagined.

My dad was my comfort when I thought my life was falling apart. And all of those years he was not there for me, and all of the yelling and crying and anger and hurt feelings from all of those years, slowly melted away. The past became less important; it was the present, and him actually being present for me, that counted now. I forgave him for past hurts, forgave myself for unforgivable things I had said, and I hoped he forgave me and himself for past mistakes.

In the end my marriage did not survive but my relationship with my dad became real, became true and steady, became humorous and lovely. My dad became my father and my friend and my rock; and for that, I will always be grateful.

This is the life.

- a


  1. Allison, I enjoyed your post. Your writing is so fresh, snappy and honest.


Post a Comment