I'm not that girl

I want to be the girl who is always light and airy and has something witty and exciting to say. I want to be that girl who, upon talking with someone new on the phone, comes across as charming and (most importantly) date-able. I want to be the girl who always has a story that is not to revealing and not too inappropriate and just funny enough and just smart enough to be interesting, but not too overpowering.

And yet, I'm not that girl. And maybe I think I want to be that girl but really, do I? Because I am really funny- but funny in a dry, sometimes sarcastic sometimes-self-deprecating way. I find humor in almost anything, even when I shouldn't, even when it's completely not socially acceptable. (See, for example, my penchant for laughing hysterically when someone gets hurt. I mean, gut-clenching-breath-taking-tears-running-down-my-face laughing. Once my husband-at-the-time fell down the basement stairs to do laundry and I peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. It still makes me laugh but probably for different reasons.)

I'm the girl whom you can talk to about anything and even if I know nothing about it, I will pretend that I know something. I am also the girl with no poker face. I make decisions quickly, I act upon them even quicker. I am the girl you want with you on a trip because we will get. where. we. are. going. damnit. and. we. will. not. get. lost. I am serious and introspective and extroverted. The people I like, I like very well and the people I don't, I really really don't. I am opinionated but not without supporting evidence. I am a fighter and I am compassionate and I am a good friend and I am a good mom. I do not suffer fool's lightly but if I love you I will give you more chances than you probably deserve. I will admit when I am wrong and I will say I am sorry and I will mean it.

I am not easy and I am not petite or insubstantial or light-hearted. But maybe that's all ok. Maybe I'm ok the way I am and maybe, someday, I will find my prince and we will sweep each other off our feet.... but until then, the search continues.

This is the life.

- a