Balancing act

I've been feeling off-balance lately. Feeling like I've got too much on my plate. Feeling like I have too many decisions and too many responsibilities and not enough time and not enough money and not enough shoulders to carry the burden. I've been feeling like I'm biding my time, waiting for something to happen, just going along and trying to put out one fire at a time; never really moving forward, just trying to keep momentum so I don't fall back. It's difficult and frustrating to feel this way. I want to feel like I appreciate what I have in my life and yet all I feel right now is that I can't get a handle on any one thing so I just have to keep juggling everything at once.

And then I got in the pool today to swim laps. Sounds silly, I know, but getting in that water and swimming from one end to the other made me realize something: as unbalanced as my life around me may be, at that moment in time, I had to stay in balance in the water. I had to concentrate on taking a breath and moving forward- balanced on top of the water, moving through it. Moment after moment after moment in the water, I realized that it is possible to be balanced in an unbalanced world. It is possible to be where you are, to realize that there is nothing you can do but continue to move, that being here right now, not being able to do anything else, is soothing and calming and meditative in itself. In the water I can't make a phone call, I can't draft an email or respond to a text, I can't talk to my boss or counsel a client, I can't help my daughters do their homework or get them ready for school - there is nothing I can do but be in this moment and breathe.

So while I may not be so grateful for all I have on my plate and while I may not be so grateful to be on my own, while I may want more than I have and while I may struggle and push forward, while I may bemoan my station in life and while I may complain that it's all too much and that I can't handle what I have, the truth is that I can handle it. The truth is that as life goes on and as I move toward my goals, toward my destiny and toward my future, all I really have to do is continue, in this moment, with what I have in front of me. I cannot do more than one thing at a time. I cannot be in more than one place at a time. I can only be where I am, I can only face what's right here, I can only do what I can. And it may not be miraculous. And I may not move mountains today, but I can continue on, and I can be balanced in this moment, even when everything around me is not.

This is the life.
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