Looking forward

There are times when I wonder where my life is going. I get up for work, I do some yoga, I get on the treadmill, I make some breakfast, I get myself and my kids out the door and on to start another day. And the day passes, and I find myself wondering when things will change, if things will change, if tomorrow will be just like today.

And then something happens out the blue. I no longer view my life from the outside. I no longer look at my day as just another day and I find that there is something that sets it apart. A whisper from my oldest that she loves me, a smile from my youngest as she runs into school, a phone call with an old friend, a lunch with a new one; these are the events that define our lives. These are the pieces that make up the puzzle we want to put together, these are the moments that deserve our focus and our attention.

But it's not always so easy. There are days, more often than I'd like to admit, that I get to the end of the day and I am tired. I am exhausted from thinking and I am exhausted from worrying and I am exhausted from wondering what the next day will bring. Because being a single parent means that you shoulder the daily concerns by yourself; there is no one by your side to offer you comfort, there is no one waiting at home or by the phone for you to turn to. It's one of the most shocking events of divorce- the lack of companionship- and I think it's the one that takes the most getting used to.

Because the nature of divorce is to divide two lives and to make two houses or two families from what was once one. This division can be confusing and stress-inducing. To separate out your life from someone you lived with and loved with and made a family and a home with is scary, but it's also necessary. Because you can't move forward if you're tethered to the past. You can't continue on your own path if you are being dragged backwards to what used to be. You can't hold out hope for the future with your eyes cast behind you.

So as fearful as you may be and as frightening as the future looks on your own, know that you are stronger than you think. You don't need to keep a hand on the past, you don't need to keep your ex as a touch-point, you don't need to lean on anyone anymore. Your future is yours alone, it's for you to look at this day and find what is here for you, to offer you joy and offer you hope and offer you a chance. Today is the day when you can open your eyes and open your heart and take in what is yours and let go what is not. You can walk away from the past and you will not fall. You just need to take one step, on your own, and then another, and see where this day will lead.

This is the life.


  1. Allison,
    Great post and so true. We must all start with baby steps. Each day brings something new and differen't.


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