Why is there always a thing

So I was talking to a friend the other day and we were discussing the state of the dating pool. She is married but lives vicariously through me, and unfortunately for her, the dating scene is not what she (and I) would like it to be. It seems that no matter where I look or whom I might be interested in, there is always a "thing". A crazy ex-wife, a criminal past, a difficult job-search, a fear of commitment... no matter where you look, there's always something. But the question is not whether there is "a thing", the question is whether that thing really matters in the end.

Because the reality is that we all have our "thing" or "things" to deal with. Some of us have difficulties with our families, some of us have difficulties with our finances, some of us have difficulty opening up and letting someone in... we all have baggage; but as the old song lyric goes "I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine." (Thank you, "Rent".)

As we get older and as we experience life, we inevitably find ourselves in situations we'd prefer not to be in and we have all done things we'd rather not admit to. So maybe if we can forgive ourselves our past transgressions, maybe if we can let go of the past embarrassment of things gone awry, then maybe we can do the same with someone who comes into our lives who may not fit our "perfect" list. And let's be honest, if we really do have a "list" and if our list includes such criteria as good-looking or tall or athletic or educated or drives-a-nice-car, then maybe it's time to give our list a good clean scrubbing. As we get older and as we ourselves get shorter and/or fatter and/or less-driving-a-good-car-ish we can look at our life and really truly think about what's important to us in our next relationship. We can really truly think about what we want in our next love and we can really truly think about what we have to offer and what we will or won't accept in our lives. Because changing our "must have/can't be" list does not mean settling, it means understanding what it is we really want and deserve.

So in looking at my own list I've decided a good scrubbing is what's needed. What I must have is someone who is kind and someone who makes me smile and makes me laugh; someone who laughs with me and at my jokes, someone who looks at me and is grateful I'm there. Someone who wants to hold my hand and wants to shout from the rooftops that we're together. Someone who is willing to let me into their life and will step graciously into mine. Someone who adores me and adores my children and is happier with me than without me. Someone whom I am thankful for and someone who is thankful for me too. Someone who is my friend. Someone who loves me just as I am now, today, this minute. Because really, that's all any of us really need and really, that's exactly what we all deserve, and really, someday, that person will be in our lives.... when the time is right.

After all, this is the life.


  1. Allison,
    Happy Hanukkah. I believe that special someone is out there. A relationship that is based on friendship first, can evolve. I know. Peace and happiness.

  2. Thank you, Linda! Your blog posts inspire me to believe that it's true- that that special someone is out there. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season-


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