One of the struggles I'm often faced with is being right. Sounds funny that I would struggle with being right but the problem comes in when there is someone else on the other end of this psychic rope pulling the other way. I tell my family law clients that when you begin to argue with your ex-spouse, realize that you have a choice: you can continue to argue, you can continue to dig in, you can continue to pull on your side of the rope, or you can let go. Because without tension the rope just falls and without tension the argument can't be had and without tension you aren't held captive to yet another disagreement, even if you are right.

The energy that it takes to dig in and defend your "rightness" is not always worth it. And maybe it comes with getting older that I realize not every fight is worth having, not every argument is worth winning, not all my energy needs to go into making my point. I can be right and just know it inside and not engage. I can make that choice. I can save my energy.

I can decide not to pick up my end of the rope each and every time someone wants to push my buttons. I can decide to wait. I can decide to let this one slide. I can decide to sit this one out. And while I may have to temporarily muzzle that voice that tells me to "Stand up for yourself" "Speak your mind!" I can just as easily win in the end by giving in a few battles.

I tell my clients and my friends that not every argument is worth having and I understand today that that advice is best given to myself. Because I don't have to always be right and I don't have to win every battle; what I do have to do is take on those battles worth fighting, what I do have to do is stand up when it counts, what I do have to do is learn to let some of pitches go by and not swing at every one.

So today I will try to give myself the gift of being right and being quiet. Today I will give myself the gift of understanding that I may be right but I don't have to always prove it to everyone. Today I will give myself the gift of understanding, of letting go, of sitting this one out, and saving my energy and saving my voice and saving myself from aggravation. Because that is both a gift worth giving and a gift worth receiving.

After all, this is the life.


  1. Allison,
    I've come to realize that sometimes the thing that makes the most impact is to say NOthing. Doesn't mean you win or lose; you leave your opponent wondering. When we scream, they hear what we feel even if they don't feel it. When we say nothing, they can't hear what we "feel". Leave them wondering what to do next. Sometimes a new communication technique develops.
    Peace to you.

  2. Hi Allison....Oh, you are SO RIGHT. Loved this post. As I got older, proving that I'm right has become less and less important. In my heart, I can know I'm right about a certain situation and that's enough. It's not necessary to defend myself like Queen of the Huns. This ability to remain self-assured, yet quiet, comes only with age and life experience, I think. Great job! Susan

  3. Thank you, Linda and Susan! It's funny, I wrote this 2 days ago and I am still working on it. Maybe that's the real truth, to know you need work and to continue to perservere.... even if you don't get it right the first time, or the second...


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