So I'm in the middle of possibly the biggest trial of my career (and the biggest in the history of the City of St. Louis) and it's thrilling and it's exhausting and I feel exhilarated and guilty and overwhelmed and overjoyed and am one big pile of nervous wonderful energy. Until about 2pm. And then I'm just tired. And I may not know how things will turn out, and I may not know what all this will mean a year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, but I do know this, no matter what happens, I am making history: for myself and my life and my children. I am changing my future; in what direction I can't tell and won't know, but I know it's changing and I have to have faith.
Because every decision we make changes our lives, makes us stronger or more compassionate, makes us more introspective or energetic, makes us more contemplative or more spontaneous, makes us who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. We're making history- our own history- with each step we take today. We're making decisions to forge ahead or to hold back. We're making decisions to forgive or to wallow just another day. We're making decisions to turn back or turn away or turn inward. Each decision we make, each decision we postpone, all of these things are changing us. And we can't know what it all means, so we just have to have faith.
We have to believe in ourselves and our choices. We have to believe that we will do what's best, even if it's hard, even if it seems wrong to others, even if it seems too weak or too strident, we have to believe. That we can do what we think is best today, and that if it turns out not to be what we expected, it will have turned out the way that it should. We may not know what the future holds, but if we hold on to nothing else, we can hold on to faith. That we are making our history the best way we can. That we are taking the path that seems most logical or exciting or tried-and-true, but no matter what it may have been for someone else, when we take a path, it's our own. To walk down and see what happens next. To look forward and see what's around the next corner. To make our history and make our lives and have faith that we did the best that we could, for today and into tomorrow.
After all, this is the life.
-a
Because every decision we make changes our lives, makes us stronger or more compassionate, makes us more introspective or energetic, makes us more contemplative or more spontaneous, makes us who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. We're making history- our own history- with each step we take today. We're making decisions to forge ahead or to hold back. We're making decisions to forgive or to wallow just another day. We're making decisions to turn back or turn away or turn inward. Each decision we make, each decision we postpone, all of these things are changing us. And we can't know what it all means, so we just have to have faith.
We have to believe in ourselves and our choices. We have to believe that we will do what's best, even if it's hard, even if it seems wrong to others, even if it seems too weak or too strident, we have to believe. That we can do what we think is best today, and that if it turns out not to be what we expected, it will have turned out the way that it should. We may not know what the future holds, but if we hold on to nothing else, we can hold on to faith. That we are making our history the best way we can. That we are taking the path that seems most logical or exciting or tried-and-true, but no matter what it may have been for someone else, when we take a path, it's our own. To walk down and see what happens next. To look forward and see what's around the next corner. To make our history and make our lives and have faith that we did the best that we could, for today and into tomorrow.
After all, this is the life.
-a
Your exuberance today is like a breath of fresh, spring air. I am riding high on your words. Best on the trial!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Linda!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the trial, Allison. Wow. That is very challenging work, I am sure. The best to you. Susan
ReplyDelete