Get on with it

I'm a do-er. I'm a person who likes to set a goal and get started moving towards it. Now. Today. This minute. I'm not good with waiting. Patience is not one of my virtues, but I have come to accept that about myself and have tried to embrace how the opposite of patience can be useful. Impatience: the key to getting things done. At least that's how I like to see it.

But this impatient virtue that I do have does not always serve me well. Because sometimes you need to sit back and let things unravel as they will. Sometimes you need to give yourself some space to absorb your surroundings and your experience. Sometimes you need to stop yourself from moving forward too quickly, missing out on the lessons that can be learned in the silence.

I want to get over this hurdle of losing a big case. I want to be back on track and forging ahead and putting behind me the pain of the loss. And it's not easy to do that. But maybe it's not supposed to be. Maybe by acknowledging just how hard I worked, just how much effort I expended, just how much hope I kept alive, maybe the loss of that should mean something. Maybe the heart and soul I put into my work for such a long period of time should be considered and pondered and mourned. Maybe an appreciation for all that I did and how much I cared and how much I worried and how much my family sacrificed should be savored and acknowledged. Maybe stopping and grieving the loss and feeling the sadness and crying out the pain will actually help move me forward. Not today, but soon. When I can look back in appreciation for what was and what could have been; and I can throw my shoulders back and be proud that, though we did not win, we tried.

And really, it's in the trying that the lessons are learned. Not by reaching the destination but by making the journey. It's in the trying that we truly become who we are in the end. It's in the trying that our resolve becomes steadfast. It's in the trying that our character is shaped to take on the next task, and start down the next road.

After all, this is the life.