Not all about me

I get wrapped up in my own life sometimes. I think it's a function of self-preservation, I think it's a function of being a single mom, I think it's a function of having been hurt before and protecting myself from being hurt again. So I close myself off and I shut myself off and I put up a barrier to protect my heart. I close off myself and my life because I am afraid, but maybe closing myself off hurts more than letting someone in.

I'm a hopeful person. I believe in love. I believe in Fate. I believe that things happen for a reason even if we can't see it right now. I believe that dreams can come true. I believe all of these things, I just can't seem to believe them for myself.

I wish only good things for my family and my friends. I wish that they would find true love. I wish that they can find their life's passion. I wish for them that what they can only dream about comes to fruition. I wish for them that they are happy and content and fulfilled.

But for myself, it's not so easy. I have fallen in love before and I have opened my heart and I have been wounded. My heart has been broken into so many pieces that I feared I would never be able to find them all, pick them all up, piece them all together, move on with my life. The end of my marriage was a crushing blow to my soul and the voice inside me that believes in love. The possibility of opening up again and allowing someone in is both what I dreamed of and what I fear.

This caution, though, is not serving me well. Why would I want for my family and friends to find true love and happiness and for myself all I want is to be protected? Why do I pray for light to shine upon my friends and family, while at the same time I put up a dark shield for myself? Because that shield protects me from being hurt. Because that shield protects me from being sad. Because that shield protects me from the possibility of getting my heart broken again.

But I am peeking out of the shield. I am opening my eyes to the light that I hope rains down on those I love and care about. I am willing, little by little, to step out again and believe in dreams coming true. Because my life was not meant to be lived in the shadows. And without great leaps of faith there can be no great love found. Stepping out and reaching out and holding out my hand in the hope that someone takes it in theirs is really what life is all about. Seeking true love is just the beginning, finding true love is where we find our faith.

So today I will embrace all that I have and all that I hope for. Because good happens. And dreams come true. And life is only worth living if we dare to take a chance, on ourselves and on love. And see what happens next.

This is the life.