Taking time for myself

I'm taking some time for myself right now. I'm thinking of everything and nothing at all. I'm reconnecting. I'm reattaching. I'm reinvesting myself in my life and in my family and in my friends. I'm getting back to me again. I relearning what it is to live my life each day and not be all-consumed by one thing.

Trying a case means you turn off all other parts of your life, as much as you can, and you immerse yourself in the daily dealings of witnesses and preparation and evidence and energy. You pump yourself up and tune yourself in and you are hyper-aware of everything going on in the courtroom. You have to be. Because being a good trial attorney means understanding language and nuance and how to use both to your advantage. Being in trial means your life as you know it is put on hold until the trial is over. And when that trial lasts for 4 months, you find yourself at the end of it, better for the experience, thrilled for the moments of drama, confident in your abilities, and completely exhausted.

It seems that for the last few weeks I have just been trying to exhale. Trying to rid myself of the energy required for extreme attention to detail 10-12 hours a day for weeks on end. I am trying to let that energy go and reinvest myself with energy that is more resilient and steady, less hyper and pumped up.

In those months I was in trial, I lost touch with friends and family and because of that I'm trying to reconnect. To bring myself back to my life as I knew it. To catch up and engage and delight in the friendships and family that I have loved and have missed. To bring myself back to my roots and my foundation. To re-establish the base that I had built my life on and to re-root myself into that base.

I am finding myself again. My routines and my delights. My frustrations and my aggravations. The little things during the day that make me smile and make me cringe. The day-to-day dealings that make up the hours of my day with different people and different problems and different issues. I'm no longer focused on one major task at hand and am instead now tackling several smaller ones. And once I re-establish myself back in my life, once I am reinvested and reinvigorated, I can stand and look around. I can feel supported and connected and motivated. And then when I am fully re-engaged, I can look around and decide: what happens next.

This is the life.