Owning it

I have a friend who lost her husband last year. He died suddenly of a heart attack and when concerned people ask her how she's doing she says "Just doing." I have another friend who is married to a nice man, he is a good father and a good friend but she's not in love with him. When I ask her "How are things?" she responds, "Things are fine." Neither one of my friends claims something that does not exist. Neither of my friends has delusions of perfection. Neither one of my friends says anything other than the exact truth. Things are not perfect. Things are not "great". Things are what they are and they each own it and tell it like it is.

And I think there's something to be said for that. I think there's something to be said for growing up and being an adult and acknowledging what we have and what we don't in our lives. I think there is something to be said for calling it like it is, for owning your truth, for living your life as it is right now and not pretending it's something different.

As a single mom, people ask me how I'm doing. And you know, my answer really depends on the day. Because I am grateful to have 2 healthy daughters, and I am grateful that most of my family is healthy, and I am grateful that I have a job and I have really good friends and I have a car that gets me to work and a house that provides a roof over my head. But there are days when the light bulbs burn out and the screens fall out and I worry about the furnace and I worry about my car payments and my house payments and the cost of schooling and books for my girls. I worry about retirement and I worry about my clients and I worry that I may not be as good a friend as I should be sometimes. I wonder if I will ever get ahead and I wonder if I will ever fall in love and I wonder if my girls will grow up healthy and happy and become the strong, independent, fabulous women I know they can be. I wonder how I will make it through the pre-teen and teen years. I wonder how I will ever sleep when they get their drivers' licenses. I wonder if I will ever stop wondering and worrying.

I know when people ask me how it's going that there are days I could respond "Couldn't be better" and there are days I could respond "Ask me again tomorrow" but either response may be true at the moment I am asked. And maybe there's something to be said for owning the fact that all is not perfect in the world and all is not as shiny as it may seem from the outside. Maybe there's something to be said for owning your life- the good and the bad- and acknowledging both of those when asked by the outside world. Maybe if we all just let down our guards a little and admit that our lives are far from perfect, we would be able to walk hand-in-hand with the person asking us how we are, and we wouldn't feel ashamed or embarrased but may be surprised to feel supported and relieved. Because all of us have tarnish on what seems to be a perfect life, and understanding that and admitting that is the first step to getting closer to each other, and being true to who we are.

This is the life.
-a

Comments

  1. Smile and nod and hope and pray for the best, and be the best we can be. That's the best we can do most days. Good, sound advice. I always enjoy your posts; they are so real!

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