The phone call: it's not you, it's me

There's one phone call I hate making, the "it's not you, it's me" phone call. The phone call that says, "I'm sorry things are not working out but it's not because of anything you did or said, and it's not because of anything you are or are not, it's just because, at this time right now, it's not working for me."

And the hardest thing about that phone call is having been on the other side of it. Knowing that, no matter how much someone tells you it really has nothing to do with you, it really just has to do with the other person and their life and their head and their craziness, you always think there's something you did or didn't do. Having been on the other side of that phone call I have always wondered: if I had said something different or done something different or been someone different, would it have worked out?

Now, being on this side of that phone call, I can tell you, with all the honesty and open-heartedness in the world, that there is nothing that could be said or done differently to make me change my mind. Because it's my mind that's at issue. It's my "too my on my plate"-edness, it's my "too little time for a relationship right now"-ness, it's my "in my own head and not thinking of anyone else"-ness that is the cause of all of it. It's not you. It really has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me; and all that I'm going through right now, and all that I am invested in right now, and all that is consuming me right now; and none of it is a result of anything anyone did or said or didn't do or didn't say. It's all because of me. And where I am right now. And where I can't be right now. And where I can't go right now.

So in the words of George Constanza, "It's not you, it's me." And I mean that sincerely. And I mean that wholeheartedly with no disrespect or flippancy. I mean that my mental space is currently filled by all that is me right now. And as much as I long for a relationship that is true and lovely, what started out with such promise could not be tended to properly by me; which is not fair to me, but is really not fair to you. Because we all deserve to be with someone invested in who we are. And we all deserve to be with someone who is as into us as we are into them. And we all deserve to be loved and appreciated for who we are and where we are just as we are today. And if the person on the other side is not so appreciative, then it's not you, it's them. And it's time to move on.

After all, this is the life.


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