Moving out of the way

There are times in our lives when we realize we are in the way. We are entangled in the lives of friends and family, having been there with them in good times and bad, and in the midst of one of those entanglements, we are stuck right in the middle. We try to be helpful, we try to be hopeful, we try to allow them to make the best decision possible; we offer advice, we keep our mouth shut, we try to look at them with non-judgment even if we feel that judgment creeping up inside; and often in those times, the best thing we can do is move out of the way.

I'm not one to be afraid of conflict. I am in a profession that bleeds conflict, that oozes disagreement, that calls for someone to step up and be heard. But as a friend and as a divorce attorney, sometimes the best thing I can do is to provide options, give an opinion, and then let my client make the choice that's best for him or her at that point in their life.

The same can be said for my personal life. I have been known to put myself in the middle of arguments to help resolve the conflict, to help make peace, to help one party move ahead or move along. I jump in with both feet. I can be a sounding board or a rock in the storm. I can be an anchor or a motivator. But sometimes instead of being helpful, I can be a hindrance. I find myself in the middle of the lives of others just because I'm not afraid to say what I think and tell what I believe they need to hear; sometimes that's good and sometimes not so much.

And for myself, there are times when I find myself in the midst of change and while I want to stay and fight, while I want to work to get the best outcome, while I want to put in my two cents because I think it's worthy, really the best thing I can do is to get out of the way. Because I'd rather remove myself than be pushed aside. Because I'd rather know I can wait on the sidelines for when and if I am needed. Because I'd rather take what I have learned and take what I am passionate about and take what I want and what I need and go off on my own.

Sometimes I get tangled up in the lives of others because I am unsure about what lies ahead in my own life. It can be easier to get caught up in the drama of someone else's life rather than taking steps to forge ahead in your own. So today I will continue to take steps to get out of the way, to let lives be lived as others choose to live them, to take this time to concentrate on me and to see what I have to uncover next.

After all, this is the life.


  1. Hello Allison. Good post. So many times in my life, I got hopelessly tangled in the lives of others. It never solved anything. Then I read one of the best books of my life.....Melodie Beattie's book "Codependent No More." Puff! the light went on.

    People need to solve their own problems. I can be supportive, kind, and listen, but I am not God. So I resigned as master of the universe and have been relatively happy ever since. Take care. Susan from


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