Reframing the question

I think there are times in our lives when we perseverate on one question. We fixate on an issue and we think and we think and we think. We convince ourselves that things will turn out badly or things will turn against us or things will be different  or things will go wrong, and maybe we can't change the way things will turn out, but maybe we can change the way we think about things.

If we stop ourselves and sit for just a moment and let our mind imagine how we want things to be, then we can imagine what our first step would be to getting where we want to go. If we think about the initial question differently, if we re-frame the question posed, we can surprise ourselves by our actions and reactions to the situation.

Take for example the introduction of a new girlfriend or boyfriend to the children. The other parent is anxious about how this will affect the children, how it will change the dynamic of the parents, how it will influence the daily communication and activities that go along with being a parent even if you are no longer married. "What if there's tension?" "What if we hate each other?" "What if they decide to do things their own way and disregard the status quo?" "What will the changes be?" "How will it all turn out?"  Questions questions questions with no definite answers. And that lack of certainty and lack of definition is maddening and can drive you round and round and round to Crazy Land.

But what if you focused on just one question? What if you took all that energy and re-framed the question and concentrated on that. And what if in re-framing the question you asked yourself and the universe: "What if she's nice?" - what would happen then?"What if she's nice?" leads your shoulders to relax and your jaw to release. "What if she's nice?" let's you think that things can work out and your kids can be happy and you can go along with your life without drama. "What if she's nice?"  allows you to sit and to think about what you want your life to look like rather than what you feel put upon to accept. "What if she's nice?" puts out the best energy and the best hope and because of that the best outcome may be right around the corner.

So maybe if we think differently our actions will follow. Because thinking about how badly things may turn out will  influence and affect our mindset and attitude. But if we stop ourselves and think in a different way  with a different question, we will act and relate in a way that may surprise us in the end. Thinking and acting as we hope things may be, releasing and removing the clouds that darken our mind, allows us to see and to be and to relate more cleanly and clearly. And in that clarity we may be surprised to find that we hold influence and affect outcomes more than we imagined. All with just a change in the question.

After all this is the life.