Status quo

It's hard for me to sit still. It's hard for me to hang out and see what happens. It's hard for me to be patient and let things settle down and let the chips fall where they may. I like to move. I like to be focused in one direction and on my way toward a goal. I like to be on my way to doing something, somewhere. I like the wheels to turn and the gears to shift and be heading out, straight forward and never look back.

But I recognize that my impulsivity has been a downfall in the past. I have missed opportunities and have missed directions and have missed paths worth taking because of my need to get a move on things. And yet recognizing this flaw does not make it any easier for me to fix it. Recognizing that sometimes waiting things out is the best plan does not make it any easier to sit still. Recognizing that my best plan is to sit and marinate for a while doesn't necessarily make the process any more palatable to me.

I feel jumpy and anxious when I don't have a plan: good attribute to have as an attorney, not such a good thing for life on a daily basis. The anxiety of not moving is sometimes worse than the bad, hasty decisions, because those decisions at least mean things are going somewhere and making a snap decision means getting there sooner.

But as I grow older I have to learn that planning and taking action is all well and good, but only if you weigh all possible options. And just because one option means getting to move now doesn't make it the best option. And just because I am anxious to get up and get started doesn't mean it's time to race to go.

Sometimes the best plan means sitting and thinking even when that's the last thing you want to do. Sometimes the best plan is to stay put and plan some more. Sometimes the best move is a move inward and not onward. Sometimes the best plan is the one you can't see right now but becomes clear in the stillness. And sometimes waiting for things to settle and the dust to die down will light the way to a path not yet seen.
After all, this is the life.