Being found

I was talking to a friend the other day about when you get to that point in your marriage when you decide it's come to the end. When you decide that you'd rather take a chance out there than to stay unhappily married. It's not an easy decision to come to. It can take years. It can take decades. And when you're ready to face it, when you're ready to call an end to your marriage, your spouse may not be so ready. It's difficult- breaking the news that you want out, breaking a vow, breaking someone's heart- but there are times when it must be done. When breaking those ties, however painful that may be, is the only way for you to save yourself, and in the process, save your spouse as well.

It seems counter-intuitive: saving your spouse by getting divorced. But when it comes right down to it, I think we each know, deep in our hearts, that we want to be with someone who loves us and wants to be with us rather than being with someone just because it's easier than leaving. What if we stayed married because we were in love and in like and content and whole? What if we were not those things that we let it go? As unbearably sad as divorce is, there comes a time when it is even more disheartening to stay in a relationship that is empty.

And once we let go and get out there again, we can find ourselves on the search for love: looking around every corner, searching every nook and cranny, every bar and restaurant, every website and set-up to meet "the One". But maybe the answer to finding love is to acknowledge that we may not know when we're going to find it. Maybe it's when we decide to just live our lives that love will come knocking when we least expect it. Maybe it's when we decide to take comfort in the possibility of love, take comfort in the certainty that we made the right decisions in the past, take comfort in being ourselves in our lives at this time, that we can truly be happy. Maybe it's not that we need to search for love, maybe instead, we need to let ourselves be found.

This is the life.
- a


  1. You have parted the curtains and daylight is shining in. This is a truth that all of us come to. When we let go, we are able to find ourselves and then we can be 'found'. Love your words of wisdom.


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