I like it messy

Aren't there some people who you look at and think their life must be easy and perfect and in-order and well-done? I have people like that in my life, and then I realize two things almost simultaneously, 1) there is no way their life is as easy/perfect as I make it out to be in my mind and 2) while I think I might want that kind of life, in reality, I don't. Because I like my life just a little messy.

I like my life to be a little interesting and a little complicated and a little unpredictable and a little unsettling. Because it's in those moments of unease and discontent that the most amazing things can happen. It's in those times of doubt when we can find our greatest joy.

I have friends who are in relationships and they look like they were made for each other and I assume and believe their home lives are delightful and passionate and content. But then when we talk, I find out that maybe things are just a little more difficult than it seems from the outside looking in. Some issues are more readily seen: distance or changing jobs or moving houses or aging parents or children moving out for college. Some issues are those that are only discussed between close friends including doubts and concerns about money, about fidelity, about honesty and about hard work, about young children and older teens, about whether to stay married or get married in the first place.

And while I think that a relationship tied up in a bow and placed on my doorstep would be delightful, it's really in the struggle together and the learning together and the yearning together and the finding solutions together that the mortar of the togetherness is made. So maybe getting messy is good... and maybe getting messier is great. Knowing that you are in up to your elbows, knowing that you work at it daily and succeed some days better than others, knowing that you don't know what's around the bend but you're willing to jump in and get a little dirty and get a little unnerved and hold your breath and not know the outcome. It's hard for someone like me who's a planner and a do-er and just a little (read "a lot") Type A, but it's still worth it. Because while I may not think so, I really do like it messy. I like my life to be a little jumbled and a little muddled, so that I can get in that glorious mess and see how things turn out on the other side.

After all, this is the life.