Additive effect

I was deposing an expert a while ago who talked about whether an action would have an additive effect on a given outcome at issue in the litigation. The question was whether the action would simply take what was and add to it, or whether the addition of this variable would change the essence of what was already there. I think the same can be said of dating.

The question in dating is not whether a person will transform your life, multiply it to a degree that it no longer looks like it once was, but whether the person will add to what you already have. I think, as young women, we are lead to believe that having a man come into your life will make your life into something different- it will change the landscape, it will change your world. As I've gotten older, I realize now that counting on someone else to provide your world and your life for you is not only wishful thinking, but can also be harmful.

I think what we really need to look for in someone we are dating is whether they add to what we already have in our lives. To take a good night out and make it just a little more special. To take a weekend of activities and add a spark. To take a night in and make you even more relaxed. To take what you have and who you are and add something that is not yet there.

Wishing for someone to come into your life and sweep you off your feet to another land is both unfair to the other person and unfair to ourselves. Our lives are what we make it, not what someone else provides for us. Our time is ours to do with as we please, not to have someone tell us what to do or where to go. Our spirit is created and nourished by us, by our essence, by our souls, it is not given to us by another. Embracing what we have and taking hold of what we have to offer, lets us live our lives as we choose to do so. And if someone else comes along to join us on the way, to point out a new view, to open our eyes to what is right before us, then so much the better; not to change who we are or where we're going but to accompany us on the journey.

After all, this is the life.