Half the equation

We are told when we are younger that we will someday find our Prince Charming and he will sweep us up and we will ride off into the sunset. It makes it seem like once the search is over, the fairy tale is concluded; but really, finding that other person is just the first step. And while finding the person is the first necessary step, finding the right relationship has just begun. Because being with someone who doesn't make you feel significant or connected or adored or admired means the search goes on: for the right guy, at the right time, in the right way.

Sometimes, as women, I think we forget what it takes for a relationship to work. We find a guy, we like the guy, he likes us back and we think, "Eureka! I've found him!" We believe that liking someone and having them like us in return is the whole story, but in reality, it's really just half the equation. The other half, the other question, the other piece is: does the relationship work for you?

And really, that's the zinger: whether being in the relationship makes you feel better, delighted, inspired and content then not being in the relationship. I'm not saying it will be all easy all the time, I'm just saying that it should not always feel like work to work at it. 

So when looking for the person you want to spend time with, remember the second half of the equation. Remember that work-ability is just as important as like-ability. Remember that feeling connected is just as important as feeling attracted. Remember that giving your love and your time and your effort is worth receiving all of those things in return. Remember that making someone important to you means that you feel important to them just as much. 

This is the life. 

-a