Choose wisely

Each day at my office, I encounter people who are wondering whether their marriage will make it or end. I was once faced with that same question. And as I sit and counsel people, it occurs to me that when we are getting married, when we are swept up in the romance or the excitement or the newness or the adventure, we may lose touch with what we really want; we may lose sight of what it is we want for our lives. So perhaps, in those moments of lust and in first love, we should revel in the experience, but when making a determination about with whom we want to spend our lives or our love, we should make sure to choose wisely.

I remember when I was younger and before I was married, I would wonder what it is my husband would look like; but maybe the question I should have asked is what it is I wanted my husband to make me feel like. Because how someone may look on the outside may not be at all correlated to how it is you feel about yourself when you are with them. Maybe instead of looking for someone, we should be feeling for someone. 

We should pay attention to whether we feel more our less whole, more or less ourselves; we should take note about whether we can express ourselves openly and whether we feel supported or muted. We should stop and feel with our gut about whether this person has our best interest at heart and whether they will stop us in our tracks if they think we are starting down the wrong path - whether we want to hear that advice or not.

Because someone who challenges you is good, if they challenge you to think for yourself. Because someone who cares for you is important but not as important as caring for yourself. Because someone who really wants you to be your best you and someone for whom you feel exactly the same, is the feeling that you should search for, is the goal you should seek to attain. And when you see that person in front of you, you first feel and secondly see what it is you were looking for all along. 

This is the life. 

-a