Learning what you don't want

I remember last summer when I broke up with my boyfriend. I cried. I mean, I really cried. Sobbed honestly. And now that I look back on it, I think maybe I was more devastated for the loss of the possibility than for the loss of the relationship. Because it is the hope that is lost that may be more crushing than the loss of a situation that is not working out.

The thing about getting into a relationship, at least for me, is that I am filled with both excitement and dread, probably in equal parts. I'm excited about the future, about wondering whether this could be something good, about wondering if this person could turn out to be Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now. I'm also filled with dread: am I putting myself out there again only to be crushed? Am I putting faith in someone who may not deserve to have my faith placed in them? Am I lying to myself about whether this person is really right for me only because it is something new and something fun and something that spices up a sometimes monotonous life?

But having that person leave your life may not be because it was wrong; rather, I think it could be that it was exactly right. If you take an honest look at the person and the relationship, you are one step closer to something real and something right. Because that relationship had to teach you at least what you don't want in someone else; and the relationship had to teach you what it is you are looking for the next time. And the thing is that the relationship you lost may allow you to open your eyes and open your heart to what is waiting for your right around the bend, or possibility standing right in front of you already.

This is the life.