The moment I let go of it

I remember when I was having trouble in my marriage. I wanted so much to hang on to what I had (or, probably more accurately, what I hoped I had) that I clung to the relationship for dear life. I tried my very best to hold it in a vise-like grip for fear of what would happen if I let up just a little; or, God forbid, what would happen if I let go.

And yet, during that time and working through issues we had both together and separately, what I realized is that the harder you hold on to something, the more quickly it will shrink out of your grip. In letting up just a little each day, in letting go just a little in each moment, what I found is not just who I was outside of the relationship, but I was also able to truly see what the relationship was, and what it was not. 

We ultimately determined that what we had was not what either of us wanted, and so we decided  to divorce. And as fearful as I was of that prospect, what I have learned years later is that it was in letting the relationship go and in letting go of who I was in that dysfunction, that I truly found myself.

It was in realizing that what I had was not what I really wanted that helped me start to let go. It was in appreciating that in letting go, I would at least offer myself the prospect of finding happiness. As the song says, "the moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle."

Lesson learned-
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