Don't look back

I was talking to a friend the other day who had just ended a relationship and as he reached out to her, she had to keep reminding herself why it is she left. It's tempting to question yourself. It's temping to try it again with someone where you know there were plenty of good times. It's temping to think about what could be with someone you loved. And maybe there are those relationships that do deserve a second chance; but deciding if your past relationship is one of them is harder than it may seem.

Going back to something familiar is comforting and optimistic. You think things will be different, you will be different, he will be different; but you have to remember that going back is not a chance to go back and rewrite history, it's going back to exactly what you had before and just hoping for a different outcome. And while that may seem gloomy, I think it is also true. That what we had is what it was. That who someone fundamentally is is who they are. That who we were in the relationship is difficult (if not impossible) to change. That the dynamic we had, we had for a reason and we had because that's who and what the relationship brought out in us.

So maybe it's time to write down what it was that was not right in the relationship and decide if all that wasn't right is what you want. Maybe it's time to decide whether having someone who is not enough is really better than being alone. Or maybe it's time to decide that you want more, that you want to hold out for what's really right for you. Maybe it's time to decide that your energy is better spent on yourself and on your future, on your hopes and on your wishes, on your list of everything that you want to be,and on your list of everything that can be. Maybe it's time to decide that the experience is exactly what it was, to remember that there is a reason you left, to remind yourself that there are reasons you don't want to look back. Maybe it's time to decide that you want more than just mediocrity - and that choosing yourself, even if you'll be alone, is a choice that allows you to dare the future to bring exactly what you want and exactly what you deserve.

Lesson learned.
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