Making a list and checking it

When I was single and looking for love, I read that you should make a list of what you are looking for in someone else to bring that reality to fruition. So I did. I made a list. I made a list of what I wanted and what I hoped for. I made a list of my "dream come true" love. I made a list and then I put it away.

And then I met someone and we started dating. And it didn't feel right. So I checked my list. And while there were many things on the list he did have; there were some very important ones he didn't. So I broke it off, and I made another list: a list of what it was I didn't like about the relationship itself and what it was about me in the relationship that I also didn't like.

As it turns out, I met someone new. We started dating and we dated for quite a while. And after more than a year I wondered where it was going and why it didn't feel exactly right. Then I remembered my list. I took it out and looked at it and thought maybe I had the list wrong. Maybe I wanted too much; maybe I was being unrealistic. So I stayed in the relationship. But as much as I tried and as much as I hoped, it just didn't happen the way I wanted. So I broke it off and in the process felt my heart break a little too.

After the heartbreak I wondered and I considered that maybe what I was looking for just didn't exist; maybe what I wanted was just an ideal. And then something happened. And then someone happened. Maybe not in the way I expected or in the way I imagined but suddenly I was laughing and happy. And over many months I stayed happy. Not that there aren't challenges and not that it always perfect but as it turns out, it may be perfect for me. And as I was having dinner the other day with a friend, I took out the list. I looked down and I checked, "yes, yes, yes and yes." And there were no "no's" and there was nothing missing. And then suddenly it occurred to me that maybe you can make a list, and maybe you can check it and keep checking, and maybe one day you can click off all the wishes and find what it is you have been looking for.

Lesson learned.


  1. Allison, so happy for you. Amazing when we recognize that sometimes what we want isn't what we need.


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