What if

I remember being in a long-distance relationship and after crying over yet another airport goodbye, I got on the plane, closed my eyes and as I started to fall asleep, a thought entered my mind: "What if there was someone else out there for me?" When I woke up I was surprised that thought stayed with me, and I realized that I suddenly felt a sense of relief. What if there was someone else who I didn't have to leave after just a few days? What if there was someone else out there for me who wanted the same things from a relationship? And finally it occurred to me... what if that person was already in my life but I just couldn't see him because of the relationship I was in?

I think when we are in a relationship that doesn't make us happy, we have to think about whether it's worth sticking it out or not. And sometimes the greatest way to clarity is to think about this question: if there was someone else out there, just waiting for you, would you stay in the relationship you are in? Being in a past relationship that didn't work, the answer was: No. If I had an inkling that there might be another, I was willing to leave what I had for the possibility of something else.

And yet being in my relationship now, if someone asked me whether I would leave for the possibility of someone else, the answer is a resounding: definitely not. Because being where I am and who I am in the relationship that I have is enough. It is fulfilling and it is exciting and it is comforting and it is true. It is more than I had hoped for but it is more real than anything before.It is exactly what I wanted and didn't know enough to ask. It is all that I need and plenty more.

But getting here has been a long journey and finding him was a winding path. And yet, here I am, having asked the question and answered as well. Because thinking there might be someone else either shows you what you don't have now, or makes clear exactly what you do.

 Lesson learned.


  1. hooray for you for finding what you were looking for. There's an old song with a verse, "It's hard to be with the wrong one when the right one comes along." So worth the wait, wasn't it?


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