I'm pushy, I'm not going to lie. It's one of my best and worst attributes. Because in my life I have had to learn to stand up for myself and in my work I have to stand up for my clients and being pushy often lends itself to making those things happen. But, it turns out, I have also learned as I have gotten older, that sometimes pushy doesn't get you where you want to be. Sometimes letting go and letting up feels wrong and like giving up, but really it's the path to what you seek to accomplish.

Being the mother of teenage daughters I worry. I worry about their friendships and their schoolwork. I worry that they do what they need to do to get where they want in life, I worry that they not do so much that they lose sight of their childhood. And my worry often manifests itself with my children as nagging or bothering; and while my intentions are good, my meddling can lead to my children closing off rather than opening up. A friend once told me to just leave them alone a little bit- not completely hands off, but not so close they can't breathe. And in that stepping back, and in that leaving alone, and in that allowing my children to be who they are and letting them succeed and fail as they will, they grow stronger and more confident and share those successes with me. Without pushing.

So maybe it's the same in my life as well. For as I push myself and as I try to do all that I can every day and as I try to be so many things to so many people, I'm often drained. I'm worn out and feeling like I may not have accomplished what I wanted or needed, simply because of trying to do too much in cramped time. Maybe pushing myself is not what's needed, maybe giving myself some space, allowing myself some time to consider each task, will both accomplish both what I want and what I need- getting everything done but getting it done one task at a time; thinking only of what's in front of me and not what is laid out before me. Maybe if I give myself the gift of space and thoughtfulness I can also give to others the best of me. Because being pushy is often a solution, but sometimes backing off is the better choice.

Lesson learned.