When there is no reason why

I have a friend going through a difficult time. A relationship she wanted to work out did not and she keeps asking herself what it is she did and what she could have changed to have it turn out differently. We have all been there. We have all had relationships- romantic or friendship or even business- that don't work out and we wind up having to walk away. And in our struggle to make sense of a situation, we wonder why it happened; but sometimes the answer is simply unknowable.

There are situations in our life where we can't ask why someone walked away because they don't want to tell us or maybe they themselves can't even articulate it. And the frustration with not having someone tell us why they made a decision to leave can be consuming and depressing and aggravating and infuriating. We want to know. We have to know. We need to know. Was it something we did? Was it something we failed to do? We yearn for the knowledge of how we could have prevented this from happening. But the truth is- we cannot control others, so the answer must lie within ourselves.

And by that I mean not that we have to determine what it is we did wrong, but we have to decide what we will do now- now that the relationship is over, now that the person is no longer in our lives, or at least in our lives as they were before. Now is the time for us to take stock of our own life and decide where to go from here. How to move forward. How to be on our own. And while that may seem a daunting task, it an also be freeing, because the direction we choose to go in is all our own.

The path we choose to wander is influenced by no one else. We may wonder why something happened, but we may never know, so instead we should embrace the challenge, focus on us, and decide, all on our own, what adventure we should seek out next.

Lesson learned.