I was talking to a friend the other day who was at her wit’s end. As with many of us, the stress of so much togetherness (all the time, every day, every minute, every week, over and over and over and over again with no end in sight) is getting to her and her spouse. In pre-pandemic times they enjoyed each other’s company and while they had spats, it was never anything major. But they also, pre-pandemic, had space. They worked in different jobs, in different areas, in different towns nearby, and came together each evening and each weekend- making and eating dinner, planning vacations or just enjoying doing nothing together. And then came COVID.
And suddenly, they couldn’t get away from each other as they were trying to work from home and handle their children and handle the stress of the unknown for their jobs and their finances and their children’s school. Having vacations cancelled and schools close and camps be uncertain; hearing of furloughs and reduced hours and reduced salaries and not knowing what was coming next while doing it all right-next-to-each-other-all-the-time lead to a huge fight and for her to call me and ask if maybe they needed to divorce.
So I stopped her and asked, rather than looking right now for all of the reasons you want to leave, why not sit down and write a list of all of the reasons to stay? Because all of the reasons you wanted to be together pre-pandemic are still there, and all of the reasons you enjoyed being together before COVID still exist; they are just getting drowned out by the too-much-togetherness and the constant noise of anxiety that we are all feeling. So take a minute (in the bathroom if you have to), and literally write down a list. And remind yourself of all of the reasons to stay. Keep it nearby. Look at it often. If they give you comfort, you know your answer. If they are not enough, you know that answer too.
Lesson learned.
-a
And suddenly, they couldn’t get away from each other as they were trying to work from home and handle their children and handle the stress of the unknown for their jobs and their finances and their children’s school. Having vacations cancelled and schools close and camps be uncertain; hearing of furloughs and reduced hours and reduced salaries and not knowing what was coming next while doing it all right-next-to-each-other-all-the-time lead to a huge fight and for her to call me and ask if maybe they needed to divorce.
So I stopped her and asked, rather than looking right now for all of the reasons you want to leave, why not sit down and write a list of all of the reasons to stay? Because all of the reasons you wanted to be together pre-pandemic are still there, and all of the reasons you enjoyed being together before COVID still exist; they are just getting drowned out by the too-much-togetherness and the constant noise of anxiety that we are all feeling. So take a minute (in the bathroom if you have to), and literally write down a list. And remind yourself of all of the reasons to stay. Keep it nearby. Look at it often. If they give you comfort, you know your answer. If they are not enough, you know that answer too.
Lesson learned.
-a
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