Too many years

 It's been too many years. Too many days since I've heard your laugh. Too many hours since you called upstairs telling us to come down for breakfast. Too many minutes since you took your last breath. 

As the years go by it gets harder to remember the sound of your voice. As time moves on it gets harder to recall your face as you smiled. As life moves along it gets harder to imagine how life used to be. 

But I also know that I carry with me your strength as you walked around the subdivision saying "out cancer out". I know that my children and my nieces and nephew show a glimpse of your smile or the shape of your nose in their young faces. I know that my brothers and I have made the effort to see and talk and connect with each other to bridge the distance across the country. 

It has been too long and it has been no time at all it seems. Because the hurt is still there- lessened and not constant, but never gone. Because the sadness still creeps in, not all the time but every once in a while. Because knowing you are not here is still surreal but also a part of every day life. 

The years move along, and time passes so fast, but you are always with us because we will not let your memory go. You live with us and through us, just in another place. 

I miss you, Mom. 

-a