Change your focus

After being in a relationship for any amount of time, whether it be romantic or work or friendship, there are bound to be times when we look at the other person and just see those things that annoy us. We only see those things we want to change or undo. We focus only on what's wrong with the person and how those offending items affect us and our mood. And, of course, in only directing our attention to those items, our mood sours, our disposition becomes gloomy, and we live in a state of turmoil and angst. 

But what if the other person is doing the same to us? What if, in looking at us, they only see an angry, disgruntled, aggravating person who has a negative outlook? What if there are items about us that make them cringe or drive them crazy? What if we are not the perfect human beings that we think we are and some of our idiosyncrasies that we assume others find endearing, they actually find grating? If that were the case, would we want them to think less of us, to be annoyed with us, to be averse to spending time together? Probably not. 

So instead, when you find your focus drifting to those habits or items that set your teeth on edge, change where you're looking: look at the good they provide in your life; look at the ways in which they enrich your life. Look at their best qualities, their most shining moments, their most delightful ways, that made you want to be with them, spend time with them, and enjoy their company; and let the rest fade into the background. 

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